As a newly registered Civil Marriage Celebrant, I have had the privilege of helping couples create their vows, I am also a ‘bride to be’ and got engaged in March last year. I have laid in bed, wide awake, thinking about writing my own vows, more times than I dare to count! To be honest, the vows are what scares me the most about the wedding… What if my vows are too long and his are too short? What if my vows are too ‘soppy’ and his aren’t? What if mine are really serious and his are humorous? What if I am crying so much, that I can’t see the page to read them? The list goes on, and on!
After reading books, blogs and the abundance of internet literature, I have finally worked out that creating the perfect vows are much easier and less stressful than you may think! The most important thing you can do, is sit down with your other half and chat… Grab a beer, wine, tea or coffee it doesn’t matter and just talk about the following things… Sounds simple hey!
Do you want to write your own vows?
Some couples don’t and that is perfectly okay. In the 90’s and early 2000’s it was very popular to write your own vows, and some, that in my opinion, went on for way too long! Traditional vows can be lovely and more and more couples are reverting back to them.
‘To have and to hold from this day forward. For better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part’.
If you want to write your own vows, do you want to share them with each other before your wedding day?
Sometimes it is just too much pressure for one party, to not know what the other is going to say. If you want to keep them a surprise, both people need to feel okay with it.
How short is too short? And how long is too long?
It is important to have a chat about the general feel of your ceremony, if you want a short ceremony, then it is important to follow the same theme with your vows.
Do you want to set a word limit?
It may sound like the outline to an essay… and possible a tad un romantic… but this can be a really good idea! Both parties then have some kind of benchmark to aim for… not too long… not too short.
Do you want to have a certain structure to your vows?
You could decide to start your vows with the same prefix; it can give your vows a bit of a rhythmical structure and can make it easier for both parties. If you decide to go this way, have a chat about things you both agree on in, regards to marriage; what is paramount for you both! (e.g.: trust, loyalty, respect, faithfulness etc)
I will be proud to call you my husband, and I am truly grateful that today, I marry my best friend. You are so supportive, caring and generous; you make me feel like the most beautiful women in the world. I promise to respect, cherish and love you, for the rest of my days.
I will be proud to call you my wife, and I am truly grateful that today, I marry my best friend. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me! Every day you do these small things, that let me know, you love me. You always laugh at my jokes, even when they aren’t funny. You make the best coffee and it’s always waiting for me when I get up in the morning and best of all, your smile always brightens my day. I promise to respect, cherish and love you, for the rest of my days.
This is an example of how you can use a similar structure, to create vows you can both be proud of.
After you have all of these things sorted, writing your vows will feel much easier! Good luck Brides and Grooms.
– Caitlyn Scott Marriage Celebrant Darwin, Alice Springs & Katherine
My name is Caitlyn Scott and I am a newly registered Civil Marriage Celebrant. I am young, enthusiastic and a very down to earth kind of person. I will work with you and your fiancé to ensure your ceremony is the perfect fit for you. No two couples are the same, and nor should their wedding ceremonies be the same.